Friendship IEP Goals: 16 Examples for Making and Keeping Friends

Friendship IEP goals measure what a student does to start, keep and repair a friendship: inviting a classmate who shares an interest, following up later, or fixing a disagreement. They never measure whether other children like the student, because that depends on the other children.

Friendship skills an IEP goal can actually measure

A friendship goal is a functional goal; the IEP must hold “measurable annual goals, including academic and functional goals” (34 CFR §300.320(a)(2)(i)). In practice, measurable means a second adult watching would count the same thing. Four skill areas pass that test:

1. Finding common ground and inviting.
2. Keeping a friendship going: following up, making and keeping plans.
3. Give and take: taking turns, asking a question back, checking in.
4. Repairing a conflict, and telling a healthy friendship from an unhealthy one.

A goal never says “will make two friends.” Friendship needs two people to choose each other, so that outcome depends on other children and can’t be counted fairly. In a randomized trial with autistic students in grades 1–5, training classmates to include them raised how often they were named as friends and cut playground isolation. Reciprocal friendships stayed low; the interventions did not target friendship directly (Kasari et al., 2012). Write the skills the student controls. Keep peer nominations and peers’ names out of the goal and its data; that information is about other children.

Autistic students and other students with disabilities choose how they socialize. Build the goal around the friendships the student wants and how they communicate (speech, a device, a picture card). Eye contact and “acting like peers” don’t start, keep or repair a friendship, so they don’t belong in these goals.

Starting and answering interactions in class is a peer-interaction goal; this post is about one specific friendship.

Getting a friendship baseline at lunch, recess and clubs

Observe the student’s least-structured routine (lunch, recess, a club, or break time in an 18–22 program) three times for 10 minutes. Score each skill on the friendship-skills checklist as I (independent), P (prompted) or N (not yet). The observer must be free to watch one student for the full 10 minutes (the case manager, the counselor or a released aide); scoring afterward takes about two minutes.

Define an opportunity first: a peer is free and a shared activity is within reach. One window can hold several; a new one starts when the student is free again. When the moment never comes, log “no opportunity,” not N. Count an invitation as made whether or not the peer says yes.

Add two quick sources:

• A two-question student interview: “Who would you like to spend more time with?” and “What do you like doing?” It points to a real peer with a shared interest, not an adult-chosen buddy.
• Family input: contact outside school, and the family’s rules on phones and visits.

Print a blank copy (one page, no sign-up): Download the checklist and rubric data sheet (PDF, one page)

A Grade 7 baseline (illustrative data):

If the student eats alone in the classroom, the baseline is “0 opportunities”: a fact about the schedule. Create the opportunity, then measure again. Put the baseline numbers in the present levels (§300.320(a)(1)), so the need, the goal and the data match.

Friendship IEP goal examples by skill

Each of the making friends IEP goals below has a condition, an observable behavior, a criterion with a time window and a measurement method, with the baseline in parentheses. Unless stated, data come from two 10-minute observations a week, scored on the checklist. “4 of 5 across 3 consecutive weeks” means the most recent 5 opportunities, spread over at least 3 weeks. Role-play probes show the student can use a skill and real events show they do, so report the two separately and say when no real event has occurred yet.

Finding common ground and inviting a peer

1. Grades K–5. By [date], during recess, when a game [Student] likes is under way, [Student] will ask to join (“Can I play?”, by speech, device or picture card) without an adult prompt and wait for the answer, in 4 of 5 observed opportunities across 3 consecutive weeks, as measured by the recess aide’s checklist. (Baseline: 0 of 5; walked into the game or stood near it.)
2. Grades 6–8. By [date], during lunch or a club period with the adult nearby, [Student] will invite a peer to join an activity linked to one of [Student]’s stated interests (for example, “Want to play this card game with me?”) with no more than one adult prompt, in 4 of 5 observed opportunities across 3 consecutive weeks, as measured by the case manager’s friendship-skills checklist during two 10-minute observations a week. (Baseline, 3 observations: invited a peer in 0 of 5 opportunities; sat beside peers and spoke only after 2–3 adult prompts.)
3. Grades 9–12 and 18–22 programs. By [date], during break time at a work-based learning site or community program, [Student] will invite a coworker or classmate to share the break or an activity, without a staff prompt, in 3 of 4 observed opportunities across 4 consecutive weeks, as measured by the job coach’s checklist. (Baseline: 0 of 4; wants company at break, per the student interview.)

Keeping a friendship going

4. Grades 6–8. By [date], at lunch with a peer they have named as a friend, [Student] will ask about something the friend shared on an earlier day (a game, a pet, a test) without an adult prompt, in 4 of 5 observed lunches across 3 consecutive weeks, as measured by the case manager’s checklist. (Baseline: 0 of 5.)
5. Grades 9–12 and 18–22 programs. By [date], [Student] will start a follow-up contact with a classmate they have named as a friend (a message the family has approved, a lunch invitation, or a question about something the friend shared) at least twice a week for 6 consecutive weeks, as measured by a student contact log the case manager reviews each Friday, counting contacts staff saw or the family confirmed. (Baseline, 2 weeks: 0 follow-ups started; contact happened only when the friend started it.)
6. Grades 9–12 and 18–22 programs. By [date], when suggesting a get-together, [Student] will propose a plan that names the activity, the day and time, and the place, in 4 of 5 recorded plans across 6 weeks, as measured by the contact log, confirmed as in the follow-up contact goal above. (Baseline: 1 of 5 plans had all three; most were “we should hang out.”)
7. Grades 6–8. By [date], [Student] will keep an agreed plan with a friend at school (lunch, a club, a game at break) or tell the friend beforehand if they can’t come, for 4 of 5 plans across 6 weeks, as measured by the case manager’s checklist from staff observation. (Baseline: 2 of 5; missed the rest without telling the friend.)

Give and take with a friend

8. Grades K–5. By [date], during partner play, [Student] will offer the partner a turn to choose the game (“Your turn to pick”) and play the partner’s choice for at least one round, in 4 of 5 observed play periods across 3 consecutive weeks, as measured by the teacher’s checklist. (Baseline: offered in 1 of 5.)
9. Grades 6–8. By [date], when a friend says they are having a bad day, [Student] will ask about it or offer to listen (“Do you want to talk about it?”) in 3 of 4 observed opportunities across 2 grading periods, or in 4 of 5 role-play probes when no natural opportunity occurs in a 2-week period, as measured by the counselor’s checklist. (Baseline: no natural opportunity seen in 3 weeks; 1 of 5 probes, usually changing the subject.)
10. Grades 9–12 and 18–22 programs. By [date], during lunch conversations, [Student] will answer a peer’s question and then ask a related question back without an adult prompt, in 4 of 5 observed exchanges across 3 consecutive weeks, as measured by the case manager’s checklist. (Baseline: 1 of 5.)

Repairing a conflict with a friend

If [Student] misses the signal that a friend is upset, start with a social cues goal. These goals begin once the disagreement is visible.

If [Student] can’t yet say how the friend sees it, start with a perspective-taking goal for two sides of a disagreement.

11. Grades K–5. By [date], after a disagreement with a playmate, [Student] will use one taught calm-down step (stepping back, three slow breaths) and then tell the playmate what they want (“Can we take turns?”), in 3 of 4 disagreements the teacher records across 2 grading periods, or in 4 of 5 role-play probes when none occurs in a 2-week period, as measured by the teacher’s checklist. (Baseline: 0 of 4; grabbed the materials in 3.)
12. Grades 6–8. By [date], after a disagreement with a friend, [Student] will tell the friend what happened with an I-statement (“I felt left out when you sat somewhere else”) by the next school day, in 3 of 4 recorded disagreements across 2 grading periods, or in 4 of 5 role-play probes when none occurs in a 2-week period, as measured by the counselor’s checklist from staff reports and a student check-in. (Baseline: 0 of 4; avoided the friend for 1–3 days.)
13. Grades 9–12 and 18–22 programs. By [date], after a disagreement with a friend at school or in a community setting, [Student] will use one taught repair step (an I-statement about what happened, an apology for their own part, or a proposed compromise) by the next school day without adult mediation, in 3 of 4 recorded conflicts across 2 grading periods, or in 4 of 5 role-play probes when no natural conflict occurs in a 2-week period, as measured by the case manager’s coding of staff conflict notes on the friendship-skills checklist. (Baseline: used a repair step in 1 of 5 recorded conflicts last quarter, and only after adult mediation.)

Telling healthy and unhealthy friendships apart

14. Grades 6–8. By [date], given 10 new short friendship scenarios each week, [Student] will sort each as healthy or unhealthy and name the behavior that decided it (both parts must be right), in 8 of 10 on 3 consecutive weekly probes, as measured by the counselor’s probe sheet. (Baseline: 3 of 10; called “a friend who only talks to you when they need something” healthy.)
15. Grades 9–12 and 18–22 programs. By [date], given a friendship scenario, [Student] will name one way it is or isn’t reciprocal (who gives, who takes, who always decides) in 4 of 5 probes across 3 consecutive weeks, as measured by the case manager’s probe sheet. (Baseline: 1 of 5; said only whether the person was “nice.”)
16. Grades 9–12 and 18–22 programs. By [date], when a friend’s request feels unsafe (lending money, leaving campus, sharing a password or photo), [Student] will say they will tell a trusted adult and name which one, in 4 of 5 role-play probes across 3 consecutive weeks, as measured by the case manager’s probe sheet. Real incidents follow the school’s safety procedures and are not goal data. (Baseline: 1 of 5 probes; “I’d do it so they stay my friend.”)

Unsafe messages and requests for personal information online have their own online safety goals.

How friendship goals change from recess play to adult friendships

Grades K–5. Friendship happens through play: asking to join a game already under way, inviting a classmate to play, sharing materials, letting a partner choose. Recess and choice time are the routines.

Grades 6–8. Shared interests, lunch tables and clubs become the setting. Messaging often starts, so the family’s phone rules shape any goal that uses it.

Grades 9–12 and 18–22 programs. Friendships move outside school: making a plan with a time and place, keeping it, making friends at work or in a community program, and judging whether a friendship is healthy.

The four skill areas stay the same across the bands; the setting, the examples and the criterion change.

Rewriting a weak friendship goal

Weak: “[Student] will make and keep two friends this year.”

Why it fails: the outcome depends on other children, nothing in it is observable, and there’s no baseline or data method.

Strong: the Grades 6–8 inviting goal: one behavior (inviting), a defined opportunity, 4 of 5 across 3 weeks, a named data collector and a baseline of 0 of 5.

Weak (from the earlier version of this post): “By (date), the student will engage in activities to maintain friendships, like exchanging contact information, planning joint activities, or following up on friends’ important events or achievements in 9 out of 10 opportunities.”

Why it fails: “opportunities” is undefined, so nobody can count 10 of them. It lacks a time window, baseline and data method, and packs three skills into one goal.

Strong: the Grades 9–12 follow-up contact goal: one behavior (starting a follow-up contact), twice a week for 6 weeks, a confirmed contact log and a baseline of 0.

Related IEP Goal Resources

• SMART IEP goals
• peer interaction IEP goals
• social skills IEP goals
• personal space awareness goals

Creating real chances to practice friendship skills

You can’t measure an invitation if the student never sits near anyone. These supports create the opportunity; they are not the goal. Label each a support (stays, or fades by plan) or instruction (taught, practiced, then faded). Lunch and recess are nonacademic settings, and the school must provide the supplementary aids and services the IEP team decides a student needs to take part in them (§300.117). List each support in the IEP (§300.320(a)(4)) with its fading plan.

• Interest-based lunch clubs (support). In a three-student study, lunch clubs built around the interests of adolescents with autism increased their engagement and initiations with peers, including during ordinary lunchtime (Koegel et al., 2012).
• Peer networks (support). Three to six peers meet weekly with the student around shared activities and plan times to connect; the adult facilitator fades (Carter et al., 2013). In a randomized trial with high school students with severe disabilities, networks produced more new contacts and friendships than usual practice, but little contact beyond the school day (Asmus et al., 2017). Plan that step with the family.
• Peer-mediated support (support), and social narratives or video models of an invitation and a follow-up (instruction). Peer-based instruction and intervention, social narratives and video modeling are among the 28 evidence-based practices for autistic children, youth and young adults identified by the National Clearinghouse on Autism Evidence and Practice (Steinbrenner et al., 2020).

Peers are partners in an activity, not helpers with a duty. Fade the adult on a plan: from the table, to nearby, to across the room.

Tracking friendship goals and reporting progress to families

Track with two 10-minute observations a week in the goal’s routine, one mark per opportunity, and score each goal against its own criterion (the Grades 6–8 inviting goal allows one prompt). Graph the weekly percentage done independently (I marks ÷ all marks) to see prompts fade. For one Grade 7 student (illustrative data):

Judge every 4 weeks; 2 weeks hold too few friendship opportunities to judge. These are local rules, not federal:

• At review, three consecutive weeks under the aim line: change the instruction (the script, the practice, a different peer or activity) before you change the goal, which needs an IEP amendment.
• No opportunities recorded in 2 weeks: create the opportunity, then measure again.
• At criterion with the adult nearby: fade the adult, then check a second routine with different peers. A skill seen only in the counselor’s group isn’t generalized.
• Maintenance: check again 4 weeks after mastery. Report probe and real-event data separately.

The IEP must say how progress will be measured and when reports go to families (§300.320(a)(3)). The team reviews it at least annually and revises it for “any lack of expected progress” (§300.324(b)(1)).

What to tell families at each progress report

Build the report from the goal’s data, in two sentences (illustrative):

“In 18 lunch observations this quarter, [Student] invited a classmate in 6 of 9 chances, 4 with no prompt and 2 after one prompt, up from 0 of 5 at baseline. The goal is 4 of 5 across 3 weeks, and next quarter the adult moves from the table to nearby.”

Add one thing the family can do at home, such as helping plan one weekend invitation with a time and a place. Keep the dated checklists and a dated copy of each report; a monitor can match both to the goal’s measurement statement and the IEP’s reporting schedule.

A Transition Curriculum lesson on making and keeping friends

In “Relationship Skills,” Lesson 3 of the Social Skills unit in Ori Learning’s Transition Curriculum for grades 9–10, students “Identify three qualities of a good friend,” “Recall ways to build friendships” and “Create a plan to connect with new people.” They sort friendship qualities and learn three ways to build a friendship: find shared activities, ask questions and listen, and keep reaching out, because “Friendships grow when you make an effort to continue connecting.”

Task A sorts situations as Friendly or Unfriendly behavior. Task B poses scenarios such as “Your friend tells you they are having a bad day. What should you do?” In Task C, each student writes a plan: at least three places to meet new friends, one conversation starter and one way to follow up and stay in touch.

The Task C plan adds to the baseline interview, and its follow-up line can become the follow-up contact goal.

Sources

1. Individuals with Disabilities Education Act regulations: 34 CFR §300.320(a)(1), (a)(2)(i), (a)(3) and (a)(4) (https://sites.ed.gov/idea/regs/b/d/300.320); §300.324(b)(1) (https://sites.ed.gov/idea/regs/b/d/300.324); §300.117 (https://sites.ed.gov/idea/regs/b/b/300.117). Verified 2026-10-07.
2. Kasari, C., Rotheram-Fuller, E., Locke, J., & Gulsrud, A. (2012). Making the connection: Randomized controlled trial of social skills at school for children with autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 53(4), 431–439. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2011.02493.x (full text: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3238795/). Verified 2026-10-07.
3. Koegel, R., Fredeen, R., Kim, S., Danial, J., Rubinstein, D., & Koegel, L. (2012). Using perseverative interests to improve interactions between adolescents with autism and their typical peers in school settings. Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, 14(3), 133–141. https://doi.org/10.1177/1098300712437043 (full text: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3806136/). Verified 2026-10-07.
4. Carter, E. W., Asmus, J., Moss, C. K., Cooney, M., Weir, K., Vincent, L., Born, T., Hochman, J. M., Bottema-Beutel, K., & Fesperman, E. (2013). Peer network strategies to foster social connections among adolescents with and without severe disabilities. TEACHING Exceptional Children, 46(2), 51–59. https://doi.org/10.1177/004005991304600206. Verified 2026-10-07.
5. Asmus, J. M., Carter, E. W., Moss, C. K., Biggs, E. E., Bolt, D. M., Born, T. L., Bottema-Beutel, K., Brock, M. E., Cattey, G. N., Cooney, M., Fesperman, E. S., Hochman, J. M., Huber, H. B., Lequia, J. L., Lyons, G. L., Vincent, L. B., & Weir, K. (2017). Efficacy and social validity of peer network interventions for high school students with severe disabilities. American Journal on Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities, 122(2), 118–137. https://doi.org/10.1352/1944-7558-122.2.118. Verified 2026-10-07.
6. Steinbrenner, J. R., Hume, K., Odom, S. L., Morin, K. L., Nowell, S. W., Tomaszewski, B., Szendrey, S., McIntyre, N. S., Yücesoy-Özkan, S., & Savage, M. N. (2020). Evidence-based practices for children, youth, and young adults with autism. The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, Frank Porter Graham Child Development Institute, National Clearinghouse on Autism Evidence and Practice Review Team. https://ncaep.fpg.unc.edu/wp-content/uploads/EBP-Report-2020.pdf. Verified 2026-10-07.